Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

I have been noticeably absent from my normal social circles since the pandemic hit. The pandemic, for me, has been both devastating and kind of…good. Devastating because I lost my father to COVID. It was swift and crushing. It didn’t give us time to think or process the aspect of losing him. Within a span of days, he was just…gone. We were left reeling with the aftershock of his passing and the void that was left.

It’s been only 6 months since he’s passed. While I no longer feel devastation, there remains a sense of loss. Mostly when I think of him these days it’s with a twinge of sadness, coupled with the warmth of whichever good memory is randomly unearthed from the recesses of my mind. I still cry sometimes, but more so because of missing him and less so because of the weight of sadness, if that makes sense.

I’d say the pandemic has been “good” not because any pandemic is good. No. Rather, working from home and self-distancing drew me further into my own bubble. And in this bubble I had quiet. A break from the normal hustle and bustle. A break from people (except for some family). A break from having to be and feel “on” all of the time. A break from socializing. Although I have missed my friends, I have needed the break.

The quiet and near isolation turned out to be a good thing for me. It firstly allowed me to BREATHE. It allowed me to just BE, without any expectations from others (again, with the exception of some family). I could just think my own thoughts and decompress from the pressures and stresses of pre-pandemic life. This was a huge relief to my person (my mind, body, soul, spirit).

Secondly, it caused me to be able to face by own issues. I had the time and space to just be able to explore inwardly. We all have our own “ish” to deal with, right? This time gave me the freedom do deal with mine. A lot of healing took place. A lot of things I’d buried deep within began to surface, so that I could deal with them, reckon with them, wrestle with them and finally release them. I was able to come to a place of peace with a lot of things that I’d long needed to address.

Thirdly, it gave me clarity. Once I was able to come to peace about a lot of things, I was then able to see more clearly. Clarity of purpose is a gift. I did a lotttt of praying during this past year (and don’t plan to stop) and God just showed me a lot of things (and is still showing me). I feel more centered than I used to and I’m thankful.

When will I resurface? I know a few friends have been checking on me, worried about me, wondering about me, etc. Thanks for the loving concern. Trust me, I’m fine. I’m just handling my business, taking care of me. I’ll keep you updated.

Much love,

Kay Dee

©2021 I AM KAYDEE | “Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?”

Only The Lonely

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Most people who deal with this don’t like to admit it, but they’re lonely.
There are a lot of lonely folks in this world. We don’t know the half of it.
We don’t know how many people lie awake at night, in their own private misery. We don’t see people behind closed doors when tears are streaming from their eyes, and their shoulders are heaving from heavy guttural sobs. We don’t see the person curled up under their covers, wishing something…anything could take away the loneliness that they feel. It’s a real feeling. Many times the very person you see who looks like they have it all together, or the person with a smile on their face, is the very same person who suffers from loneliness and maybe depression.

I’m not writing with the cure. I don’t think that there is a one-size-fits-all cure. But, I am writing to say that you are not alone. I am here and this wordpress community is here. I understand. I’m here to tell you to hold on. You’ll make it through this. But don’t try to do it by yourself. God loves you. You can pray to him.  Or you may only have 1 person in your life that cares, but, that’s 1 person that counts. Those people are a gift.  Some practical things you can do to stave off loneliness?  You might  try involving yourself in a recreational activity that you enjoy. Try to find joy in simple everyday things like, the smile of a friend, the sunshine, birds singing, a feel-good story on TV,  a good book or a favorite song. Try  projecting outwardly instead of shutting down inwardly by reaching out to help others (whether in the form of writing, volunteering, coaching sports, tutoring, etc.). And on the days when you need to cry, go ahead.

But, if your loneliness becomes too much for you to bear on your own, then there’s no shame in getting some outside help. Maybe see your doctor or a counselor. Sometimes a counselor can help guide us to the root of our feelings to help resolve them. Or sometimes there is something medically wrong that alters our moods and we don’t know if we don’t reach out to get that help from a physician. Never feel ashamed. If you are taking healthy steps to make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best, then you should feel proud of yourself.

Sending you a virtual hug & a song:
You are not alone – Michael Jackson

You are loved!

© 2013 “Only The Lonely” KD Corner / K.D.

Photo credit: youthvoices.net / google images