Sending You Hugs

Fair warning. This post is unfiltered and random. But I hope if you can relate to any of it, you end up encouraged.

I’m sad today.
And I’m thinking that’s … okay.

Things aren’t quite the way I want them to be.
But I recognize the blessings in the midst of tough times.
I’m waiting for the fruition of some promises from God…
But they’ve not yet come to pass.
Some things are just hard.
I tend to feel sorry for myself sometimes,
And as someone wise once told me…that’s okay.
We tend to stifle our true feelings and/or let others tell us how we should feel.
Not cool.
We should be allowed to work through our feelings. Allowed to move through them to the other side of the pain, like a beautiful dance sequence.
We should be allowed to feel what we’re feeling at the moment without having to feel guilty or ‘not Christian enough’ for feeling it. It’s okay.
But, maybe you struggle with deeper things (severe depression or perhaps some very real disorders or illnesses). Remember, that doesn’t make you any less human or make your feelings less valid. You may need some extra help working your feelings out. Guess what? That’s okay. Do what’s healthy for YOU.

I often make it my mission to reach out to others when I’m feeling down.
I figure if I can encourage someone else, then I’ve helped someone and that makes me feel good.
Listen, if you’re having a tough time in general, get whatever help you need to get that is healthy for you, not harmful.
If you don’t know who to reach out to, maybe I or other folks on wordpress can help you figure it out.
YOU are beautiful.
YOU are more than your circumstances.
And GOD loves you infinitely, even if you can’t feel it at the moment.
Sometimes when we’re in a dark place, it’s hard to see the light.
But I promise you, if you pay attention, you will notice a glimmer of light each day.
However, if you feel like darkness is swallowing you, please, please get some help.
You are worth saving. You’re worth loving. You’re worth living. You’re beautiful, no matter what anyone says.

©2014 “Sending You Hugs” KD Corner / KD

Gone Too Soon (a poem)

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This is for my friends who’ve lost a dear loved one.

Gone Too Soon by K.D.

Nothing fully prepares us
For the passing of someone dear
The news comes like a piercing sound
Foreign to the ear

Even if we were forewarned
Of what was to occur
It doesn’t ease the pain
It doesn’t quell the hurt

Sometimes it blindsides us
Nothing we would expect
It shakes us and it breaks us
We’ve no chance to object

We’re left reeling from the shock
Staggering from the sting
Trying to make sense
Of all that’s happening

Wondering how we’ll make it
Without their presence near
Questioning how we’ll go on
Through the ache and through the fear

Knowing somehow we must proceed
But still not sure quite how
Going through the motions
Is how we function now

One second, hour, day at a time
That’s how you make it through
You say, “I can’t ever see
How I will make it without you?”

“But, this one thing I have
That no one can tear apart
Is the memory I hold of you
Close within my heart.”

So, with memories so precious
We go forward day by day
Honoring the one we love
In a special way

Their presence will be missed
Their absence has left a void
But their deposit into our lives
Has left an undeniable joy

And as we live each day
Holding the gift of them in our hearts
We honor their very essence
A love that won’t depart

©2014 KD Corner / K.D. “Gone Too Soon (a poem)”

photo credit: downloadclipart.net

When Buried Things Resurface

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When buried things suddenly resurface —
On the way into work today I was listening to the radio. A song came on by a particular artist, and something inside twinged. I said to myself, ‘I don’t like this group’ and I turned the station. Then, I thought to myself, ‘why don’t I like them?’. As I reflected, it came to me that I didn’t like them because they’re associated with a negative memory from years ago. Several years ago, I was staying with a friend because I was in a tight spot and needed somewhere for myself and my family to stay temporarily. That time was a mixture of blessings and of negative memories as well.

It was a blessing because my friend opened her home to us in a time of need. Not everyone will do that for you. But, it was negative because sometimes whether the friend & her family meant to or not, they could be condescending, a bit superior in attitude, and offended by just about everything. Without realizing it, I began to hold a grudge. Well it was THIS family who liked that certain musical artist and they’d play certain songs all of the time. Somewhere along the way, associated that particular musical artist they loved, with those negative experiences/feelings. It’s funny how some things we do are subconscious. So what do we do about it?

Well….You can choose to do nothing. Just ‘ignore’ it, continue to repress it and let the feeling fester under the surface and permanently reside in your heart. But, it doesn’t do you any good to keep negativity in your heart. It eats you up slowly.

You can forgive. Yeah, but that’s probably not what you feel like doing. After all, the person who wronged you doesn’t deserve forgiveness, right? That may be true. But none of us necessarily ‘deserve’ forgiveness when we do something wrong or offensive. I’m learning that forgiveness is more about us than the other person. The other person may not deserve it. But, our hearts won’t be free until we let it go. Forgiveness is not saying that what the person did was alright. Not at all. It’s not saying that you now have to be “best buddies”, because proper and healthy boundaries may still be necessary. But, it is saying, “I’m letting go of your offense. I’m not giving it power to make me angry or negative anymore. I’m letting it go.” In essence, you’re wiping them off of your vendetta list, or removing the black dot next to their name. You’re forgiving them their offenses against you…for your own peace. Sometimes this may involve going to the person and telling them you forgive them. But, most times, it’s something we need to do within our own hearts and minds, for us alone.

God offered us his forgiveness through Christ’s death on the cross.  With his help, we can also forgive.

©KD / KDCorner 2014 “When Buried Things Resurface”

Photo Credit: morguefile.com (jpkwitter)

Yet again…Forgiveness

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I thank God yet again for his forgiveness. I thank him that it’s free and that it’s in abundance. Where would I be without it? Condemned. A hot mess. Loco. All of the above. I realize writing this that everyone who reads it is not a believer or follower of the teachings of the Bible or of Christ. Hey, that’s okay. But, I will still state my thankfulness.

So many times in my life, I fall short. Like…so many. Every day I strive to do my best to live according to what I believe, but, sometimes it’s tough. And many times I fail. But, the thing is… God’s love is abundant. It’s bigger than I can fathom. People say, “If ‘God is love’ then why is there suffering in the world?”  Hey, I do not know the answers to all that is wrong in/with the world. But, I do know that we live in a world of imperfect people who can act of their own free will, whether for good or for bad. By the same token, we can freely choose to accept God’s existence, love, teachings …  or we can choose not to. The choice is ours alone. In our ‘do what feels good’ and ‘do what you like’ culture, we can do just that. But, I’m not here to preach to you. I’m here to just tell you this…

I’m thankful for a God who loves me even when I screw up. I’m thankful for a God who forgives me when I ask earnestly. I’m thankful for the sacrifice Christ made for me. I’ve experienced too much of His goodness to doubt his existence / reality. Even though I’ve gone through some very tough times, and I’ve had many, many questions (the question “why?” being the most prevalent) I’ve always sensed his presence in my life…his hand upholding me…his love sustaining me. I’ve felt it. I know it. And I’ve experienced some things that can only be explained as miracles. 🙂

My love to you all.
Stay encouraged.

© 2013 “Yet again…Forgiveness” by K.D. Corner / K.D.

Photo credit: morguefile.com (taliesin)

Compassion, Love and Survival

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Let me preface this by saying I am not familiar with  fantasy or sci-fi fiction, nor thrillers because they’re not my fiction of choice. Nor am I familiar the author who is featured in this piece.  However, I can say, that it was my pleasure to glean from this interview that I listened to featuring him and two of his biggest fans.  It really touched my heart.

Compassion, Love and Survival by K.D.

I was listening to a link that a friend posted yesterday on Facebook (thanks Chi-Chi) and the true story that was told of a 15-year-old boy who ran away to meet his idol. This teen was something of an outcast in school, the product of a divorced home, his mom was remarried and his step-dad was not the best person. So, he read fantasy/sci-fi/thriller type books to escape his reality.  One particular author (Piers Anthony) was his favorite. He read every drop of everything this man wrote. He identified with Piers and the works he created. He felt so disconnected from his own reality that, in his 15-year-old mind, he desired to create a new reality…one with Piers in it.

He proceeded to withdraw his savings from the bank, buy a plane ticket and flew to Florida, all in pursuit of his desired new life.  His mission was to find where Piers Anthony lived and hopefully be asked to live with him and his family. He sent a postcard to his mom telling her he had to leave for a while but not to worry, he’d be back in a year or so because he had to figure some things out.  Once in Florida he went through various steps to find Mr. Anthony’s house and he did find it.  Mr. Anthony, surprised at the intrusion,  invited him in, listened to this young man’s troubles, and allowed him to spend the night.  He advised the young man that he could not live with him, but, he could try to help him find either local help for runaways or help him return back home.  The young man chose the latter.  After returning home, things didn’t necessarily get any better. But, because he’d had this encounter with his favorite author and because he was listened to, it changed something inside of him. He endured and conquered his teen years and successfully entered adulthood.

From a mom’s perspective hearing this, I could totally empathize with the shock his mom must’ve felt, because I would absolutely, positively FREAK OUT (as any loving parent would) not knowing where my kid was. Once you become a parent, your life is not about you anymore. You care for  these new human beings selflessly, above your own needs and desires. You hope so much for them. You desire for them to be successful and happy and fulfilled. And you ALWAYS want them to be safe and to protect them from as much harm in the world as possible.  Thankfully, this child was unharmed in his journey and was able to find what he was looking for, at least in part.

During this interview, a call was arranged so that this now adult man could call Piers Anthony to thank him for the impact he’d made on him all of those years ago. Piers remembered the whole encounter and he said a few things that really stuck out to me.

1. Piers Anthony spoke of his own struggles as a teen in a posh private school (where there were “upper crust” and “lower crust” students). He was ‘lower crust’ by his own account. He, too, had troubles at home and didn’t fit in at school. He was made fun of and made to feel strange, not good enough, etc. As the interviewer said of the author, “He was just an angry kid who muddled through like everyone else.” Piers Anthony, too, turned to reading books to escape his reality.  He said, “People sneer at escapism. Well…there are those of us who need it [to survive]” (addition mine).  Specifically, to survive the TEEN YEARS, in my opinion.  Teen years are a very tumultuous time.  They are years where we’re trying to figure out who we are and what we should be. We’re trying to survive social pressures and attitudes. We’re trying to find where we fit in.  When you’re a ‘nerd’ or an ‘outcast’ or ‘invisible’ (i.e. not in the popular crowd), life in high school can be very, very difficult.  Add to that problems at home.  But, I submit to you that there are even those teens who are in the “popular crowd” who feel out-of-place due to insecurity and rejection and so forth.  They cover it up by the business of being ‘popular’ or ‘over the top’. If they put on an act of confidence, then people won’t see their insecurities or weaknesses.  The sad part is when they choose use their popularity to demean others who are less so.  Or when they soothe their own insecurities by making themselves look bigger or better, while making others look smaller or insignificant.

2. Piers Anthony gave the then 15-year-old kid this advice, “Keep your head down. Endure it and in a few years you can get out”, speaking of his stressful home life with his step-father.  This advice could very well have applied to his school experience as well.  It made me think of my children, who have their own challenges in relation to their academic experiences, the social aspects of school, etc.  But, also, my children have experienced the divorce of their parents. Not easy for any child. I, too, was the product of a divorced home.  I want to find a way to tell my children…things will get better…just keep pressing through.

3. This next statement meant the most to me. I could relate to it myself, for it validated some of my own feelings, and it gave me insight into what my teens (and teens in general) may be going through. It also gave me pause to think of the several adults I know who fit these descriptions – and gives me a bit more understanding and I daresay compassion for folks who may be somewhat abrasive.  Here is what Piers Anthony said in the author’s notes of his book Fractal Mode, “One thing you who had a secure or happy childhood should understand about those of us who did not…We who control our feelings , who avoid conflicts at all costs or seem to seek them, who are hypersensitive, compulsive, self-critical, workaholic, and above all survivors…We’re not that way from perversity and we cannot just ‘relax’ and ‘let it go’. We’ve learned to cope in ways you never had to.”

I have come to no solid conclusions after listening to this interview.  But, maybe that’s not necessary. I have, however, come away with compassion, insight and understanding.  Maybe you will also.  If you’d like to listen to the interview, see the link below.

Once this link opens to the webpage, click “launch player” to hear the interview:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/470/show-me-the-way

You are loved ♥

© 2013 Compassion, Love and Survival – KD Corner/K.D.

photo credit: tenchinodojo.be

Only The Lonely

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Most people who deal with this don’t like to admit it, but they’re lonely.
There are a lot of lonely folks in this world. We don’t know the half of it.
We don’t know how many people lie awake at night, in their own private misery. We don’t see people behind closed doors when tears are streaming from their eyes, and their shoulders are heaving from heavy guttural sobs. We don’t see the person curled up under their covers, wishing something…anything could take away the loneliness that they feel. It’s a real feeling. Many times the very person you see who looks like they have it all together, or the person with a smile on their face, is the very same person who suffers from loneliness and maybe depression.

I’m not writing with the cure. I don’t think that there is a one-size-fits-all cure. But, I am writing to say that you are not alone. I am here and this wordpress community is here. I understand. I’m here to tell you to hold on. You’ll make it through this. But don’t try to do it by yourself. God loves you. You can pray to him.  Or you may only have 1 person in your life that cares, but, that’s 1 person that counts. Those people are a gift.  Some practical things you can do to stave off loneliness?  You might  try involving yourself in a recreational activity that you enjoy. Try to find joy in simple everyday things like, the smile of a friend, the sunshine, birds singing, a feel-good story on TV,  a good book or a favorite song. Try  projecting outwardly instead of shutting down inwardly by reaching out to help others (whether in the form of writing, volunteering, coaching sports, tutoring, etc.). And on the days when you need to cry, go ahead.

But, if your loneliness becomes too much for you to bear on your own, then there’s no shame in getting some outside help. Maybe see your doctor or a counselor. Sometimes a counselor can help guide us to the root of our feelings to help resolve them. Or sometimes there is something medically wrong that alters our moods and we don’t know if we don’t reach out to get that help from a physician. Never feel ashamed. If you are taking healthy steps to make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best, then you should feel proud of yourself.

Sending you a virtual hug & a song:
You are not alone – Michael Jackson

You are loved!

© 2013 “Only The Lonely” KD Corner / K.D.

Photo credit: youthvoices.net / google images

Self-Check: Are You Negative & Don’t Know It?

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Self-Check: Are You Negative & Don’t Know It?

Every now and again, I find it necessary to do what I call a “self-check”, to see if I’m “out of balance” in any one area. For me personally, usually through prayer and reading the bible, I’m able to better reflect on myself and my actions. For you, it may be a similar or different method.  In any case, today, we’ll talk about negativity.

I think we all have the propensity to be negative sometimes.  It’s part of the normal course of human emotional responses.  The problem comes when we’re negative MOST of the time.  Adding onto this, it’s a problem if you’re negative most of the time…and don’t realize it.  I’m sure we all know negative people.  And we probably tend to distance ourselves from them (or should), if possible, for our own emotional health and well-being.

But, how do you know if YOU are the negative person? Here is a checklist I came up with. It’s not all-inclusive and certainly not ‘expert’ in nature. These are just some things I think can be self-check points. Ask yourself the following:

1. Do I have the tendency to complain more often than not?

2. Do I have a habit of talking badly about people (snide comments, gossiping, taking verbal ‘jabs’ at people whether they can hear me or not) instead of saying something good, or nothing at all?

3. Do I always see the ‘problem’ instead of the ‘solution’?

4. Do I tend to create mountains out of mole hills (do I make small issues into big ones) most of the time?

5. If there is NO problem, do I tend to CREATE a problem in order to have something to complain about?

6. Am I more comfortable complaining, than just being at peace or being happy?

7. Do I feel like I’m ‘never satisfied’?

8. Is my outlook generally one of the glass (of life) being half empty instead of half full (do I tend to see the bad more often than the good)? Am I more often pessimistic instead of optimistic?

9. Is it difficult for me to compliment people, to smile or celebrate a good event?

10. Do I feel as though life is generally ‘bad’? Do I feel as though people are generally ‘bad’?

11. Do I tend toward being judgmental?

Some of these questions are similar in nature, but, they are all to get you thinking about how you react  or think “most of the time”.  If you feel that you answered most of these questions in the affirmative, you could possibly be a negative person.  Again, this list is not all-inclusive or definitive in nature. It is more to get you thinking.

Sources of negativity can be varied.  From what I’ve learned and observed, negativity can creep in for various reasons or it can be a learned pattern (especially if it was modeled in the home or elsewhere on a consistent basis). Or it can be rooted in fear.

What should you do if you realize that you have a tendency toward being negative? It can be as easy as watching your reaction or your speech and consciously making efforts to change. Or it can be as serious as perhaps getting some professional counseling to help you figure out the root cause of it and give you tools for ridding the negative patterns from your life.  But whatever the case, do not be ashamed.  We all struggle with something. And doing regular self-checks can be good to do on a routine basis.

Here are some resources for you:
1. How to Deal With Negative People
2. Are You A Positive or Negative Person (includes strategies to combat negativity)
3. Book: Happiness Is A Choice – Minirth/Maier

Disclaimer: I am not a professional counselor. These are just life observations and personal life lessons I wanted to share. You are entitled to your own opinion. And I always encourage everyone to do their own research on any subject matter. That said, I hope something said here has been helpful to you and/or your loved ones.

Blessings to you!

© 2013 “Self-Check: Are You Negative & Don’t Know It?” KD Corner / K.D. author
Photo source: here