Gone Too Soon (a poem)

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This is for my friends who’ve lost a dear loved one.

Gone Too Soon by K.D.

Nothing fully prepares us
For the passing of someone dear
The news comes like a piercing sound
Foreign to the ear

Even if we were forewarned
Of what was to occur
It doesn’t ease the pain
It doesn’t quell the hurt

Sometimes it blindsides us
Nothing we would expect
It shakes us and it breaks us
We’ve no chance to object

We’re left reeling from the shock
Staggering from the sting
Trying to make sense
Of all that’s happening

Wondering how we’ll make it
Without their presence near
Questioning how we’ll go on
Through the ache and through the fear

Knowing somehow we must proceed
But still not sure quite how
Going through the motions
Is how we function now

One second, hour, day at a time
That’s how you make it through
You say, “I can’t ever see
How I will make it without you?”

“But, this one thing I have
That no one can tear apart
Is the memory I hold of you
Close within my heart.”

So, with memories so precious
We go forward day by day
Honoring the one we love
In a special way

Their presence will be missed
Their absence has left a void
But their deposit into our lives
Has left an undeniable joy

And as we live each day
Holding the gift of them in our hearts
We honor their very essence
A love that won’t depart

©2014 KD Corner / K.D. “Gone Too Soon (a poem)”

photo credit: downloadclipart.net

Being Human

Isn’t being human fun? Haha. I know some of you rolled your eyes…and others laughed. Define “fun” you say. Well, let’s just say that being human is definitely an adventure. We are unique and complex beings.  We are able to experience the world physically and emotionally.  We’re able to interact with others and express thoughts, ideas and feelings in various formats.  We’re able to create things.  It’s really quite amazing! What’s not fun about being human?  Disappointments, death, hurt/pain, sadness.  But, without the yucky parts of life, it’s harder to truly appreciate when things are really good.  When something good happens, you feel joy, relief, elation, etc.  Whether  you realize it or not, you mentally compare the good moment/experience/event to the bad one(s), and you’re extra thankful for the good.  Life is full of challenges.  Situations are challenging.  People are challenging.  Sometimes there are misunderstandings. Sometimes there is blatant harm.  But, whatever you’re going through or whatever you’ve been through, please oh please, allow it to make you better, stronger, more patient, more loving, more COMPASSIONATE, a better listener, a better giver, etc.  Bless others. 
 
To inspire you, I recently saw Alicia Keys perform a song on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show (I couldn’t find this clip but I found another performance).  The song is called “Brand New Me”.  It’s on  her new album “Girl On Fire”.  The song stopped me in my tracks.  This melancholy melody blossomed into a chorus of strength.  It seems to be about coming out of an unhealthy relationship, but, can be related to other things as well.  Please take the time to read the lyrics below and listen to the song here –> “BRAND NEW ME” (note: She does a piano solo at beginning.  If you want to skip this, the singing starts at approximately 2:50 minutes)
 
Brand New Me – by Alicia Keys
 
It’s been a while, I’m not who I was before
You look surprised, your words don’t burn me anymore
Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it’s clear to see
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of me
Can’t be bad, I found a brand new kind of free
 
Careful with your ego, he’s the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God know something had to change
I thought that you’d be happy
I found the one thing I need, why you mad
It’s just the brand new kind of me
 
It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don’t be surprised, don’t be surprised
If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you’re wrong
If I walk a little taller
I’ve been on to you too long
If you noticed that I’m different
Don’t take it personally
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of me
And it ain’t bad, I found a brand new kind of free
 
Oh, it took a long long road to get here
It took a brave brave girl to try
I’ve taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don’t be surprised, oh see you look surprised
Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
If you were worth a while
You’d be happy to see me smile
I’m not expecting sorry
I’m too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah
I don’t need your opinion
I’m not waiting for your ok
I’ll never be perfect, but at least now i’m brave
Now, my heart is open
And I can finally breathe
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of free
That ain’t bad, I found a brand new kind of me
Don’t be mad, it’s a brand new time for me, yeah
 
Toodles ♥
 
 Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
 
© “Being Human” by KD Corner 2012

Life Snippet

I’ve been feeling really “blah” lately. Trying to make sense of my life thus far. Could be a mid-life crisis type thing. Not sure. Anyway, I’ve decided to just ride this one out. Not try to “fix” myself or conform to others’ expectations. There’s a freedom in it. Just being. Letting myself cry when needed. Letting myself wade through feelings and life situations without any grand plan to tidy it up or tie it up neatly in a bow.

I tend to go with that line from the movie Forrest Gump – “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” So true. So if I taste a delicious piece, my taste buds have a party, my endorphins kick in, and a smile plasters across my face. These are the good times and happy moments in life. Or, I can taste a piece that sets my taste buds on edge, I frown in the ugliest possible way and spit it out, quickly chasing the bad taste with a glass of water to rinse away the awfulness. These are bad times. The foul taste does go away, but, sometimes it takes longer than others. Sometimes you can “taste” it for days or sometimes it can be eliminated rather quickly. Sometimes there’s an after-taste. But that’s okay. As my mom always says, “This too shall pass”. To that I say “Amen and amen!” God hasn’t left me. He’s not very ‘chatty’ these days, but, He says enough to let me know He’s there. And more often than not, I feel his presence more so than ‘hearing’ his voice.

One of my favorite scriptures is this:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your Savior….Do not be afraid for I am with you.” Isaiah 43:2-3,5

In other words, tough times will come, but, He won’t let them consume us. He’s with us to help us through. I know I keep repeating this theme, but, it’s not just for you. I need to remind myself of these truths whenever things get hard. Repetition of good things…is …well, a good thing. Here’s a good song by Group 1 Crew & Chris August called, “He Said”. The lyrics say “He said, I won’t give you more than you can take. And I might let you bend, but I won’t let you break. And oh, I will never let you go…that’s what He said.” God may allow us to go through tough stuff, and we may feel like we cannot stand it a minute longer, but, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we feel we cannot go on, He provides his supernatural strength to us to help us get to the other side of it. So we’ve no cause to brag on ourselves. Nah. Instead we glory in Him. Amen. Here’s the song –> HE SAID – BY GROUP 1 CREW (featuring CHRIS AUGUST)

Toodles. ♥

Feelings

Feelings.  Why are we so afraid of them? Is it because they’re unpredictable and sometimes uncontrollable or uncomfortable?  Could be.

It seems that society seems to have the notion that any “bad” feelings are to be hushed, squashed, hidden, gotten rid of quickly. But who came up with the notion that we are to be “happy” 100% of the time?

Who says that to show feeling means you’re weak? Not so. To show your real emotions sometimes takes great courage. Of course, with everything, BALANCE. I’m not advocating being run away with your feelings and living in emotional upheaval all of the time. I’m saying that in life there are seasons. Literal seasons, such as fall, winter, spring, summer. There are cycles, such as day turning to night, turning to day again. Nature is full of seasons and cycles. Why wouldn’t WE go through them as well. Life is a continuous cycle of highs and lows. I like to refer to the ocean tide because it’s such a good example. The tide ebbs and flows. We have to learn to FLOW with life. Our emotions cycle and flow. It’s OK to be sad sometimes or angry or disappointed. Not that you let that take over your whole life and not that you use that as an excuse to harm someone else. No, no. But, you must let yourself cycle through your feelings. Let yourself flow through them.

For instance, if you’ve been through major life changes (death, a break-up, separation or divorce, or perhaps a child moving away from home, physical struggles and the like) you are ALLOWED to feel sad some days. Yes, well-meaning people will always tell you to “cheer up” or “get over it”, or “move on”. But, no. Let yourself cycle through those feelings at your own pace. If you feel sad, let yourself feel sad. If you’re angry about something, take time to figure out what’s behind the anger. Journal about your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend who won’t judge you. Pray. Find a good counselor or mentor to help you work through it. There’s no shame in it. Find what works for you.

Perhaps in some cases, action will be required. For instance, if there is a situation where you are angry because you were treated unfairly, or there is a discrepancy at work, etc. you may need to take proper and cautious steps to resolve whatever the issue may be.  Never be a vigilante.  If you’re dealing with a work or legal issue, proper protocol must be followed. First, try to figure out what the root of your anger is before trying to resolve it.  Sometimes your anger may be rooted in your perception based on a past experiences or personality types.  If you recognize this to be the case, take a fresh look at the person or situation that upset you.  Look with new eyes and see if that person or situation offended you because it reminded you of someone/something else.  Sometimes our perception of another person’s intentions can be influenced by our past. So, take stock of all factors. And if you need assistance to resolve any issue, then ask. Again, nothing to be ashamed of.

And the same idea for other areas that may cause you to feel down, such as daily stress, family issues, or maybe you just had a bad day. It’s okay. Take time when you can be alone to work through it. You’ll know what works best for you.  Try taking a walk in the park or neighborhood, do some exercise, journal, pray, or express yourself through art, poetry or song.  These things may aid in you getting out some negative energy and stress and help you to gain some clarity regarding your feelings.

Some say not to have “pity parties”. But, I disagree. Have your pity party (just don’t make it a never-ending party) :).  Get your feelings out in a healthy way and keep on moving forward. Once you let yourself work THROUGH your feelings you will eventually get back around to the other side of the cycle. Think of it like a pendulum. Our lives are always in motion and always swinging from happiness to sadness, or good day to bad day and everything in between. That’s life. Every day is not “fun” or “happy”, but you can learn to deal with your feelings in an effective way. Stuffing them down or ignoring them only causes them to surface later in other ways…usually unhealthy ones.

Lastly, if you suffer from clinical depression or have other mental health struggles, then never ever be ashamed to get professional help. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy. There is therapy and there are medications that can be prescribed to help you obtain and maintain some balance. Do your homework and have someone you trust to help you with this process. The beautiful thing about living in this day and time is that there are a multitude of resources available to help people in whatever state they’re in & help them to find balance.

God bless you.
Toodles ♥

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dealing With Grief

We all experience loss in life.  It can range from experiencing the death of a loved one, to the death of a relationship/friendship, or ‘death’ of a certain season in life (ex. job loss, a child growing up and leaving, etc.). And because of experiencing loss, whether the loss is expected or unexpected, we go through stages of grief.  It’s completely normal.  While experiencing the grief process, you may sometimes feel as though you’ve gone “loopy”.  But if you become knowledgeable (or remind yourself) of the stages of the grief cycle, then it tends to be easier to recognize which stage you’re in and helps you to realize that what you’re going through is okay. 

Sometimes when loss happens, well-meaning family or friends will tell you to “get over it” or “get on with life” or “you shouldn’t still feel that”.  They really do mean well.  They just want you to “snap out of it” and get back to your “normal” self.  The trouble is, when loss happens, you don’t go back to how you were before the incident.  But, you create a “new normal” that takes into account your experience of loss.  Yes, there are extremes on both sides. People can “stuff” grief down inside and decide to never fully deal with it.  Or sometimes people can stay stuck in a lifetime of misery, never allowing themselves to fully go through their cycle of grief and come out on the other side of it. 

Let’s briefly go through the stages of grief here:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

The important thing to know is that it does NOT always happen in linear order.  You may not go through certain stages. Or you may experiences some stages simultaneously.  Or you may even circle back around to certain stages you already have been through. But, let yourself go through the stages at your own pace.  Also, if you need to, reach out to certain family or friends who will be supportive as you go through this process, and not try to rush you through it.  You may also choose to seek out a professional counselor. That is nothing to be ashamed of.  Take your time to find the right counselor for you.  You may also try talking about things with your family doctor.

Please visit this link which goes through each stage of grief in-depth.  Take the time to really read through and understand each stage.  Link:  http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ .

One last thing…IF you are experiencing grief and feel at all suicidal please DO NOT end your life!  You are meant to be here.  You are beautiful and special and precious & God loves you!!!  You matter to me!  Please call the suicide hotline so that you can talk to someone to help you through this.  They have resources that will help you with your individual situation.  
SUICIDE HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255.  

Sidebar: I even heard on the radio the other day that for soldiers suffering from PTSD and battle depression and/or suicidal thoughts consistently, there are breakthrough procedures and medications available.  But you don’t have to be suffering from PTSD.  You can any person who suffers from depression.  Depression is a very real thing that people go through and you don’t have to feel ashamed. For help, encouragement, information & suggestions please listen to this radio show. Here’s the link to the radio show: http://www.moodyradio.org/radioplayer.aspx?episode=91779&hour=2  (the show is a Christian show, but, even if you’re not a Christian don’t let that deter you from listening.)  There is LOTS of good information shared that will help you with depression and bipolar disorder and other areas.  Also if you would like to visit the radio guest’s website, it is here:  http://drlindamintle.com/?s=depression .

God bless you! ♥

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net