Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

I have been noticeably absent from my normal social circles since the pandemic hit. The pandemic, for me, has been both devastating and kind of…good. Devastating because I lost my father to COVID. It was swift and crushing. It didn’t give us time to think or process the aspect of losing him. Within a span of days, he was just…gone. We were left reeling with the aftershock of his passing and the void that was left.

It’s been only 6 months since he’s passed. While I no longer feel devastation, there remains a sense of loss. Mostly when I think of him these days it’s with a twinge of sadness, coupled with the warmth of whichever good memory is randomly unearthed from the recesses of my mind. I still cry sometimes, but more so because of missing him and less so because of the weight of sadness, if that makes sense.

I’d say the pandemic has been “good” not because any pandemic is good. No. Rather, working from home and self-distancing drew me further into my own bubble. And in this bubble I had quiet. A break from the normal hustle and bustle. A break from people (except for some family). A break from having to be and feel “on” all of the time. A break from socializing. Although I have missed my friends, I have needed the break.

The quiet and near isolation turned out to be a good thing for me. It firstly allowed me to BREATHE. It allowed me to just BE, without any expectations from others (again, with the exception of some family). I could just think my own thoughts and decompress from the pressures and stresses of pre-pandemic life. This was a huge relief to my person (my mind, body, soul, spirit).

Secondly, it caused me to be able to face by own issues. I had the time and space to just be able to explore inwardly. We all have our own “ish” to deal with, right? This time gave me the freedom do deal with mine. A lot of healing took place. A lot of things I’d buried deep within began to surface, so that I could deal with them, reckon with them, wrestle with them and finally release them. I was able to come to a place of peace with a lot of things that I’d long needed to address.

Thirdly, it gave me clarity. Once I was able to come to peace about a lot of things, I was then able to see more clearly. Clarity of purpose is a gift. I did a lotttt of praying during this past year (and don’t plan to stop) and God just showed me a lot of things (and is still showing me). I feel more centered than I used to and I’m thankful.

When will I resurface? I know a few friends have been checking on me, worried about me, wondering about me, etc. Thanks for the loving concern. Trust me, I’m fine. I’m just handling my business, taking care of me. I’ll keep you updated.

Much love,

Kay Dee

©2021 I AM KAYDEE | “Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?”

The Audacity to Love Yourself

I love myself.

This is a declaration I must make on a consistent basis.  For so long, I didn’t love myself.  I experienced some traumatic family situations when I was young.  These life events dramatically altered how I saw myself.  I thought something must be wrong with me, or else these things wouldn’t have happened. This is often how children process trauma.  No matter how many times my folks would tell me it wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was too late.   My brain already processed it as partially my fault. Without realizing it, I began to see myself as less-than-worthy.  I sought out attention as a teenager and young adult to try to “prove” to myself that I was good enough.  Relationship after relationship, trying to “make them see” how valuable I was.  I didn’t realize that I first had to learn to love ME in order to be whole enough to love others and to receive love in a healthy way.

Am I there yet?  Yes and no.  Yes, I do love myself and it’s taken so much work to get to the place where I could say it and mean it.  But, no, I’m not always good at it.  Some days I have to purposely declare it and purposely remind myself that I am worthy.

Faith Component:  For me, God is central to me loving myself.  He created me and loves me with a love so overwhelming that I cannot fully comprehend it.  And I experience God’s love in such tremendous and often unexpected ways, that I cannot deny it, nor would I want to.

Today, if you do not feel loved, or don’t love yourself, I want to remind you of how special you are. You are most certainly meant to be here.  You have purpose.  You are incredible.  I know sometimes days are not easy, but, please know that you matter.  Your existence is not pointless.  You have a lot to give, even if you cannot see it at the moment.  Know that I am at least one person, one voice here to remind you of your worthiness!  You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

If you feel you need more support than just reading a blog post, please visit my Resources Page to find extra help in the way of counseling or crisis support.  Sending oodles of love your way!

Blessings,

~ Kay Dee

©2019 I AM KAYDEE, “The Audacity to Love Yourself”

Photo credit: pixabay.com

You ARE Good Enough!

you're good enough

A friend of mine recently posted a picture on her Facebook page of someone holding a sticky note that says “you are good enough!” It hit home. I don’t know about you, but, so many times I question, “am I good enough?”

Am I good enough to be loved?
Am I good enough to fit into that social circle?
Am I good enough to be accepted?
Am I good enough to be respected?
Am I good enough to complete that project or reach that goal?
Am I good enough to seal that huge deal at work?
Am I good enough to be valued by others?

The list could go on and on. What makes us question our own value? Have we been told by someone that we’re not valuable? Has it been demonstrated by another person’s actions toward us that we are not up to snuff? Have others made us feel that somehow we’ll never measure up to the perfection they expect? Or has it been communicated to us somehow that others don’t see us as able enough, talented enough, or intelligent enough to obtain a certain goal?

I daresay most of us have had such an experience in our lives. Sometimes we experience this type of criticism or rejection by well-meaning people in our families, friendships, social or professional circles. The trick is not believing the naysayers. Constructive criticism is one thing. It is usually given in such a way as to build up the person. It should be given with care and in a way that will help the person see where they can tweak or improve in a certain area without tearing them to shreds verbally.

But, if you’ve received harsh criticism or if you’ve been overlooked, berated, undervalued, etc., I’ve got news for you. You ARE good enough! The truth is that God made each of us uniquely special. We don’t all have the same set of talents and abilities, but, there is greatness in each of us!  There is something each of us are wired to do and to do well. Don’t undervalue your unique gifts.  Develop them and use them to bless others.

As you move forward to develop your gifts and talents, you may experience instances or periods of failure.  But, remember this –  failure at a task or a goal does NOT equal your failure as a person.  Your “who” is not determined by your “do”.  Some things you will have to continuously practice at to hone your skills in a certain area. Other things you will try and then realize that particular thing may not be for you. But the important thing is that you TRIED. You didn’t hold back. There will be no regrets because you attempted it. John Maxwell (author) has written a whole series of books, CD’s called “Fail Forward”. Even if you fail at something, if you learn from it, you’ve not failed at all. You’ve gained more valuable knowledge with which to move forward and tackle the next goal.

Your value  as a person, is not and should not be defined by people, but, by God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is no one exactly like you. You are loved with a love that never wanes and never ends. And in those times where others put you down or you experience failure of some kind, you’ll need to remind yourself of this fact: YOU are SPECIAL.  If you have to, write it on sticky notes and stick it all around your house or apartment.  And surround yourself with positive people!  We each need people who are in our corner and believe in us!  It’s important.  Also, one of the best things you can do is let someone else know how special and important they are. I’m a huge advocate of paying it forward.  There are so many people in the world who have not been told how valuable and special they are.  And God may use YOU to be the one to tell them.  You can plant a seed of love into someone else’s life.  And you never know how big that seed will grow or what it will develop into.  Maybe because of you, someone who wanted to quit life, decides to continue on and becomes an amazing motivator of others.  Maybe that person who was going to quit med school goes on to become a world renowned physician or surgeon.  You never know.  So, as I hopefully breathe life into you, so, breathe life into others.  Remember how spectacular you are!  Silence the voices of the naysayers and shout out loud, “I AM GOOD ENOUGH!”

© KD Corner “You ARE Good Enough” 2013

photo credit here

Weaknesses Aren’t Necessarily Bad

Image

I’m a recovering perfectionist. Not in regards to household chores (haha), but, in other areas. I tend to hate my weaknesses because I feel like it gives grounds for people to poke fun at me.  I remember once in elementary school, I answered incorrectly to a math question posed by the teacher. The class laughed at me. That made me never want to be laughed at again, so I determined to be right most of the time.  I could leave little room for error so there would be minimal chance for embarrassment.  I didn’t like the limelight as it was, but, especially not for embarrassing reasons. 

Needless to say, I was not able to be correct 100% of the time, not even close, but, still it was ingrained into my personality to be as error-free as possible, if at all possible.  Well, with that ‘take’ on life you can become a little bit anal.  The bad thing about perfectionism is when you don’t attain a certain goal or level of perfection, you tend to beat yourself up, call yourself names and all sorts of unhealthy negative self-talk which in turn contributes to negative self-esteem.

Today, I read a devotional that spoke of how God doesn’t love us “in spite” of our weaknesses, but, that he loves us WITH our weaknesses and He can “use” our weaknesses for his glory.  I’ve heard that before, but, today it had special meaning for me.  When you become entrenched in a certain negative way of thinking, you often need to hear healthy messages repeatedly before they actually sink in and can take root & bud into a new and healthy way of thinking.

God is not surprised at my weaknesses. He created me. He knows my good and my bad. My strong points and my weak points. But God can even utilize my weaknesses for good somehow. For instance. I was painfully shy and very quiet growing up. Only in my adulthood did I learn to open up and become more social. But, I would say I’m still a quiet person. I like to people-watch and observe the conversation and behavior of a person.  I learn a lot that way.  How has this been used for good? For one, personally, I’ve avoided potentially harmful relationships from people-watching. Also, I’ve been able to recognize and befriend other shy people and be the person that helps get them out of their shell a little bit.  Being a quiet person, I’ve been the confidant of many a person who knows that I will not go out and blab their personal business to the world at large.  And I’ve been able to share with certain folks how there is an advantage to sometimes being a good listener more so than a talker, on certain occasions.

My perfectionistic tendencies? Well, if properly channeled, it translates to my ability to pay attention to detail which has been very useful in organizational jobs and tasks both personally and professionally.

Your flaws or weaknesses (notice I didnt say sicknesses) can even be used in a positive way. God loves you. He made you. You’re beautiful.

Toodles. ♥

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net